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Handling the Holidays
November 2023
This time of year can be a doozy with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years all jammed together in a 6-week window. Typically, I might be feeling tension in my neck and shoulders as my task list expands. But this year, I'm intentionally using the key principles that I share in my workshops on being happy on purpose for the holidays, developing coping skills to build resilience, and creating a vision for the new year. I'm constantly learning and growing too! This has resulted in a more centered, engaged, and relaxed holiday season so far. Here are a few of the reminders and exercises I'm using to handle the holidays. Prioritize! What's important here? Kendra Adachi, The Lazy Genius, has one of my favorite taglines - Be a genius about the things that matter, and lazy about the things that don't. You don't have to do everything, and you certainly don't have to do everything perfectly. When things get hectic and overwhelming, figure out what is most important to you and your people. Select a vision or principle to guide you through the season. Create priorities from those things most closely aligned with your vision and learn to let the other things go if needed. This may feel uncomfortable at first but keep trying and see what happens. You may need to practice. Remember that "should" represents someone else's expectations, not yours. Don't forget that you get to decide how you want to spend your precious time, energy, and attention. (Except for laundry and 3 meals a day which don't take a break for the holiday season. Ugh.) Maybe you can work on thinking about those things that you Get To vs Have To and reframe your list. Make your tasks and schedule reflect the things that are most important. If I looked at your calendar, could I tell what your values are for this holiday season? Be you! This is the perfect time to lean into your special strengths, interests, and superpowers. When we use those characteristics that we are good at, we feel energized, motivated, curious, and passionate. Things become easier and we feel successful and competent. We are better able to overcome challenges and uncomfortable situations. Do you know your gifts and how to use them to make the holidays shine? Take inventory and discuss the strengths of those around you to figure out how to all work together. Take action! Want to know a trick to calm your brain and decrease stress? Take a step. Do one small thing. Sometimes projects can feel overwhelming so just take a baby step. (You don't even have to go in the right direction. It's possible to get moving and then retreat and pick a new path. It doesn't need to be perfect.) Action regains control and signals to your brain that you've got this. You've been here before, and you can do it again. Be present! Our desire to do all the things and be all the things can rob us of our ability to be in the moment. Stop and notice 5 wonderful things that you might have missed if you were racing along. (This is not the time to find 5 more things to add to your list. Just notice and smile.) Remember that the best present you can give over the holidays is to be present. Others will notice when you are engaged, and you will be able to absorb the magic that you have worked so hard to create. Take care. There are two sure-fire ways to boost your happiness - express gratitude and practice acts of kindness. I suspect that all through Thanksgiving and continuing into December's holidays, you've been sprinkling love and kindness all around. What happens if you were to express thankfulness and appreciation to yourself? You. are. amazing. Things may not turn out perfectly, but that makes for the best stories. What can you do to cut yourself some slack? The cure for self-criticism is self-compassion so treat yourself! (If you need ideas, look here!) When you need it, take 20 seconds to close your eyes, cross your hands over your heart, and say "everything will be okay". Happy holidays!
Busy
October 2023
I have a love-hate relationship with BUSY. On the positive side, I feel more energized, focused, and engaged when my calendar and my to-do list are active. But there is a fine line between the positive motivators of being busy and the negative consequences of being swamped. Benefits of Busy: "The concept of ‘optimal busyness’ is an attractive and energizing temporal experience that professionals seek because it makes them feel energized, productive, and in control of their time." (Lupu, I., & Rokka, J. (2021)). Being busy can lead to improved and increased creativity, mental alertness, positive thinking, focus and purposeful work. Appropriate levels of engagement can boost self-confidence and self-control. Drawbacks of Too Busy: The synonyms of “busy” illustrate the problem when it gets to be too much: hectic, overextended, crowded, overworked, agitated, berserk, overwhelmed, distraught, delirious. Overscheduling affects our health with increased stress, lousy sleep, and poor food/exercise choices. Overcommitting leads to loss of control and then burnout, disconnection, and exhaustion. When we are too busy to focus on relationships, we become lonely, anxious, and guilty. We have created a status symbol of our busyness which is a drastic change from the times when leisure was de rigueur. Now we glorify and encourage busyness as a badge of honor. So, how do you stay on the positive side of the fine line of busyness? Happy on Purpose Tips: · Consider Productive vs Busy (James Clear). BUSY is a lot on your plate and PRODUCTIVE is getting things done. The difference is being in motion versus taking action. No more getting ready to begin getting started. Spend an appropriate amount of time planning and then set a date/time to take action. · Schedule breaks on your calendar. Some people hate to see open spaces on the calendar. Blocking time to rest, exercise, and meditate will prioritize self-care. It will also fill the schedule so that you don’t commit to more. · Stop multitasking. It’s a myth that you can do multiple things well simultaneously. Your brain needs to focus on one thing at a time to reduce stress and increase productivity. If your list is too long, delegate or delete. · Know your limits. Everyone has a different optimal busyness level. Pay attention to your tipping point. What are the signals you receive from your mind and body when you are overwhelmed? · Get clear on your priorities. One trick is to say, “I’m too busy for ____ because it’s not a priority for me.” Use this statement to evaluate the value of the things that you aren’t doing because there is no room to add them. What tasks can you eliminate and which ones do you need to add? What is the cost of being too busy? · Hire a coach or therapist to get underneath the need for a busy shield. Brene Brown introduces the idea of a “Crazy-busy armor” to help with numbing. “What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we’re feeling and what we really need can’t catch up with us.” Make a decision to find your optimal busyness! I can help. ******* COMING UP! Happy on Purpose for the Holidays! webinar. Join me on November 7th from 7:00 – 8:30pm for a workshop that highlights a new framework for how to prioritize your holiday activities so you can focus on what really matters to you. Let’s create a vision for you that steers you toward what’s important and helps you let go of guilt, exhaustion and resentment. Workshop and materials $20. Reserve your spot today! Email me at LisaNickelCoaching@gmail.com. I’ve been busy sharing happiness presentations with Building Better Moms, National Charity League Heart of KC chapter, Ryan Lawn & Tree, The Kansas Association for Gifted, Talented and Creative, and Junior League of Kansas City, MO. More to come: · Happy on Purpose at Work presentations for Financial Executives International KC chapter, Junior League of Kansas City, MO, and International Business Communicators KC chapter. · Happy on Purpose presentation for National Charity League Greater KC chapter. Get Out of Your Own Head: Coping Tips to Handle Overthinking, Social Comparison, Forgiveness, and More for Junior League of Kansas City, MO · Bee Happy! Bee You! Goal Setting for 2024 with Bee Organized.
Reset and Reframe
September 2023
The August heat wave has come and gone. Good riddance! During that time, I experienced a deep desire to burrow into my air-conditioned house and not go out. While I was hiding from the sun, I spent hours and hours absorbed with learning. I read books, blogs, and articles about coaching, creativity, discovering yourself, and happiness. I attended a webinar on leadership and presentations on living inspired, essentialism, and advocacy. I listened to podcasts about feminine selling and the magic of gratitude. I signed up for more classes and filled up my library card with future books. You know what I didn’t do? I didn’t write an August newsletter or create workshops or content for my business. I started to feel conflicted about not producing material until I read Create Anyway: The Joy of Pursuing Creativity in the Margins of Motherhood and author Ashlee Gadd helped me see things differently: “You might be in a season right now when you are not making anything…I invite you to reframe this season from one of lost art to one of found art. A season of more input and less output. A season to receive rather than give.” I have come through this time of soaking in knowledge and now I’m ready to incorporate new golden nuggets into my coaching, speaking, and training. I have a notebook full of quotes, ideas, and interesting perspectives. Because I gave myself time to rest and recharge, I’m excited to put together opportunities to pour into people with new presentations, retreats, and workshops. (Shameless plug – join me on October 11th for a Midweek Get-Away Retreat at Somerset Ridge Winery. You deserve it!) Happy on Purpose tips: Think about reframing. If you are feeling stuck, how can you reinterpret your situation, so you see a shift and not a deficit? Give yourself permission to take a break if it’s needed. Generous people need to refill their buckets before they can pour into others. Set a deadline so you can fully enjoy time doing something else without recrimination or guilt. Even if it’s for a short time, lean into the experience.
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness!
July 2023
On the 4th of July, we celebrated Independence Day in the United States by remembering these famous words from Declaration of Independence, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” There has been much speculation and research about the meaning of the phrase, "pursuit of Happiness". What is the definition of "pursuit" and "happiness" in this context? I went deep into a rabbit hole reading and learning different interpretations. Many of us might read those words to mean that we have a protected right to search for things that are individually fulfilling. Some researchers suggest that the phrase refers to economic freedoms and choice. Others point to thick definitions of happiness that suggest a more global, government-based scope and impact. It's not clear if the document refers to happiness as simple pleasures/satisfaction or well-being/flourishing. Renowned historian Arthur Schlesinger claimed that in 1776, the meaning of the word "pursuit" was not as much about seeking or chasing, but more about practicing or experiencing. In this case, it's the right to BE happy, not just to feel happy. Do you know how to BE happy? In my coaching and speaking practice, I share lots of well-established and research-based techniques for boosting happiness. Short-term strategies focus on increasing positive emotions, enhancing pleasure, feeling or showing contentment. Deeper level happiness practices work to create a state of well-being. You build consistent happiness through your repeated actions and behaviors. A happy life does not mean a life without real problems or pain. You don't have to be happy all the time. No one is. Being happy and flourishing is about having coping strategies for overthinking, forgiveness, social comparison. It's about finding connection, meaning and engagement. Living the vision and not just dreaming. It's a state and not a trait. There is no one-size-fits-all template for a happy life. Pursuing happiness, as either a quest or as a practice, is individualized. Through one-on-one coaching or group coaching, we can work to identify the characteristics of a happy life for YOU. My Happiness Plan is a 7-part guided coaching series that looks at the 6 pillars of happiness and customizes exercises that work with your strengths and tendencies so that you can BE happy. In addition to working with individuals, I share workshops and presentations about being happy. Does your workplace or volunteer organization need an employee engagement event, a mental health awareness presentation, a team exercise or an energetic motivational speech? Being happy is worthwhile and beneficial for you and those around you. Here are a few key steps to take in your pursuit of happiness: Focus on what went well. Recognize and experience joy. Connect with someone. Do something for others. Identify and use your strengths.
Self-Care and a Summer Solstice Invitation
June 2023
What's the first thing to get pushed off my "to do" list when I'm feeling stressed or busy? Me! Despite knowing, reciting, and actually believing all the metaphors about filling my bucket, placing the important boulders first, refilling my salt shaker, etc., when push comes to shove, I take the backseat. "I'll catch up on my sleep next week." "I'll start a healthy eating routine when I have more time." "I should restart a strength training regimen." Sound familiar? Self-care is more than a manicure or a facial. But we know that already, right? We know how to really take care of ourselves: Drink more water. Stretch. Laugh. Sit up straight. Walk and move your body. Eat less junk. Breathe deeply. Tighten your core. Go outside. Get stronger. Quiet your mind. Sleep. We also know the acute and long-term benefits of taking care of our one and only body. The science is clear. We also know in our hearts and brains that self-care is important. 71% of people say they are much happier after taking time for themselves. 67% report feeling more productive after practicing self-care. 64% believe that self-care can boost their confidence. 75% think self-care can alleviate stress. (Vagaro) Positive Psychology cites self-care as one of the pillars of happiness. And yet... Only 30% set aside time for self-care. 33% feel guilty when taking time for themselves. 39% of parents feel guilty about me-time. (Birchbox) Brene Brown reminds us that "it takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol." What makes practicing self-care hard for you? What gets in the way? What are you prioritizing over yourself? What could you start doing today to focus a little more healthy attention on YOU? Here's where my invitation comes in. I'd like to invite you to spend the longest day of light, June 21st, with me and my life coach friend Sarah Uchytil at a Summer Solstice Retreat. We will be in the rolling hills of the vineyard at Somerset Ridge Winery in Paola, KS, from 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. We will provide a day of gentle flow yoga, guided meditation, a nourishing lunch, a happiness workshop and group coaching. Let's focus on you! We will end our time at the Vineyard House with a wine tasting with Somerset Ridge Winery owner Cindy Reynolds to top off a day of relaxation and rejuvenation. (Register here: Summer Solstice Retreat - Sarah U Coach for $158) Ahhhh....Let us treat you to kickstart your self-care routine. You're worth it. You deserve it. The people you love will benefit from it.
Let's Play!
May 2023
When I meet new people, I often ask them what they do for fun. Many times, I get a blank stare or even an incredulous, "Fun?!?". I get it. We are busy. We have responsibilities. We work and then we use our leisure time to veg out to the TV, computer, or phone. We are missing a vital part of a happy life - play and fun! The feelings of engagement and flow (when you are so deeply absorbed in an activity that you lose sense of time) are pillars of positive psychology and are critical to our flourishing. Maybe you should think about adding this ingredient back into your life. We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw The list of clinically researched benefits of play would fill this entire newsletter - stress relief, improved brain function and immunity, stimulated mind and creativity boost, improved relationships and connection to others, developed and improved social skills, healed emotional wounds, sharpened sense of humor, enhanced productivity and innovation, super-charged learning and heightened feelings of youth and energy. Science journalist Catherine Price calls fun the "secret to feeling alive" and the "cause of human thriving". (See her Ted Talk for more inspiration.) Build your passions. (Not just find them.) Chris Crowley and Dr. Henry S. Lodge, MD in Younger Next Year. Sometimes we forget how to play or we can't remember what we do for fun. Think back to what you liked to do when you were a kid. How did you spend your free time in the summer or on the playground? Maybe you are ready to explore new ideas. How would you define "fun"? What are some of the elements that are important to you? Play can look and feel different to each of us. You get to decide for yourself. If you need some help thinking about what works for you, consider this list of play personalities from the founder of the National Institute for Play, Dr. Stuart Brown. When I saw this list, it was easy for me to identify my own play personality (The Director) and the play personalities of my family members. The Collector - you enjoy searching for and building collections. The Competitor - you enjoy playing (and winning) games with specific rules. The Creator/Artist - you find joy in making things or making things work. The Director - you enjoy planning and directing. The Explorer - you play by discovering something new, either physically (a new place) or mentally. The Joker - you enjoy being silly and foolish. The Kinesthete - you enjoy moving your body as play. The Storyteller - you enjoy listening to or creating stories. Fun is a feeling, not an activity. Catherine Price If this feels like too much, how about adopting a playful attitude? You can practice and develop characteristics such as being silly, fun, expressive, creative, and spontaneous to help make people laugh, ease tension, and support creativity. Take baby steps to shake off inhibitions and enjoy a change of pace. Tamper your concern for how you'll look or sound. Give yourself permission to do or act how you want. Playfulness "significantly contributes to well-being". (Proyer, Ruch, 2011) Bring this attitude to other activities to make them more fun and to attract people to you. What will you do to add more fun and play into your life? At our house, we set monthly goals. Each month includes an item in each of these three categories: house project, personal development/skill building, and FUN. We prioritize fun and are mindful of how important it is to our relationship and the quality of our life. It's how we create the life we want. PS If you want a laugh and get some hilarious ideas, watch TeamBalmert on YouTube. I just recently found them and laughed so hard at their antics. Mike and I will not be trying the couple's yoga moves!
Sister Summit #10
April 2023
I recently returned from a fabulous 4-day trip to Asheville, NC, with my best friend/sister for our 10th annual Sister Summit. Since 2014, we have met for our own life coaching weekend. Some years, our reflection work is easy and other years we feel like we have gotten off track. We have both had good years and bad years. We have experienced big changes. The beauty of meeting every year is that we have a chance to dedicate time, energy, and effort to evaluating our status and correcting our course if necessary. This year, I leaned into the tag line of my coaching business – create the life you want. I thought about 7 areas of my life (home, financial, service, relationships, health, personal development, career) and dreamed about what I want each to look and feel like. I asked myself what makes this vision important and what needs to change. This year’s exercise identified some tweaks to consider and verification that I’m on my own personal right track. Do you devote some time each year to thinking about YOU? Your dreams? Your vision? The answer doesn’t have to be grand or require change. In fact, the focus can be on contentment with where you are right now. What’s important is that you notice and move forward with awareness. It’s easy to get swallowed up by daily demands. What would it take to carve out a little time for reflection? Not everyone has a sister who is willing to do this important work with you, but you do have a cheerleader in your corner who is trained to support you in your discovery. Are you ready to create the life you want? I’m ready to help. One early evening during our trip, we drove the Blue Ridge Parkway to Craggy Pinnacle. The view was gorgeous. We realized that we were at the summit during Sister Summit! We decided to shout our intentions for the year from peak. Was it cheesy? Yes. Was it powerful? Yes. (Did my sister trick me into yelling by myself? Yes.) Here's to creating the life you want!
Coaching and March Madness!
March 2023
It's one of my favorite times of the year - March Madness! Like many, I'm glued to my TV(s) for the next few weeks so I can catch all the action on the court. I have lots of great memories of gathering all the TVs in the house together and watching the games with my boys. The tournament provides lots of drama and I love the stories about the players, the teams, and the coaches. My Jayhawks are entering the NCAA tournament without their Hall of Fame head coach and there has been lots of conversation and concern about what will happen without him at the helm. Our head coach is integral to the leadership and direction of this basketball team. It has made me think about the importance of coaching and the difference between an athletic coach and a life coach. Most people are familiar with the role of an athletic coach, but few really understand what I do as a life coach. My role is to be your supporter and your partner, not your leader. (Not sure how Bill Self would feel about being considered a partner with his players!) You pick the topic and the direction. I bring deep curiosity and lots of questions. I listen to what you say and what you don't say. I challenge you and share insight and observations. I hold the space to allow you to quiet and organize your mind so that you can hear the answers inside of you. Now, I'll admit that I was originally disappointed that coaching wasn't going to allow me to share all of my hard-won knowledge and wisdom. I wondered how I was going to provide great value if I'm not solving problems and giving advice. Doesn't a coach create a game plan and direct people in what to do? Wait, no whistle?!? What I have experienced, over and over again so often that I'm a believer, is the deep value of helping you uncover your own solutions and create your own game plan. It is so much more powerful! I received this comment from a client recently and it captures the magic of life coaching. Lisa, thank you so much for your coaching. You did a very impressive job of asking questions, probing deeper and putting info together to continue bringing a plan of action to light. It made me realize that I already knew what I needed to do but you drew it out. What sorts of things are appropriate for coaching? The answer may include any situation that has you feeling stuck, frustrated, lost, overwhelmed, lacking, confused or blah. It's not just for negative situations. You might be ready to take your great life and fine tune it and make it brighter. Coaching could include conversations about a job change, challenging situations or conversations, organization, procrastination, life stage changes and transitions, decisions, identifying hobbies and fulfilling activities, intentionally adding happiness and more. With coaching, we look at the present and the future to get you from where you are to where you want to be. What do you want more of in your life? How can I support you to create the life you want? Maybe you need someone to cut through the noise, question the notions you have about your narrative, understand the core of what you deeply want, and help you navigate where you want to go. You could do this all by yourself, but it's easier, more effective, quicker, and less frustrating when you have a life coach as your teammate. In basketball terms, I'm less like the head coach and more like the point guard who leads the game with assists. I get the ball to you for more alley-oops and easy dunks! Let's create your One Shining Moment! PS In addition to one-on-one coaching, I can't help myself and sometimes I just want to do some training too. Look for workshops and guided coaching series which combine teaching with personalized coaching. If your group would like a presentation on Your Happiness Matters, Creating Your Happiness Plan, or Happy on Purpose at Work, contact me. Stay tuned: a new coaching series is coming soon! PPS For the 45th year in a row, I have the Kansas Jayhawks winning it all in my brackets. You have to admire my loyalty if nothing else. There has been a lot of sports in these newsletters lately. Back to regular programming next month!
Feeling the Love!
February 2023
There have been lots of exciting things happening in Kansas City this week - Super Bowl victory and parade for the Chiefs, Valentine's Day, and College Game Day at Allen Fieldhouse for the Jayhawks. There is a pervasive feeling of love, joy, and pride all around our city. It's amazing how joyful events can start to multiply and expand when you experience them with an open and grateful heart. In fact, it's true that happiness and positivity are contagious, and you can "catch" it from others. The emotional contagion phenomenon supports the idea that there is a tendency to acquire emotions of the people around us. Hanging out with happy, enthusiastic people makes us happier and more enthusiastic ourselves. Mirror neuron theory talks about how we are a mirror of those we are surrounded by. It makes sense that Kansas Citians are sharing a celebratory mood these days. Sociologist Nicholas Christakis sums it up this way, "Rather than asking how we can get happier, we should be asking how we can increase happiness all around us. When you make positive changes in your life, these effects ripple out from you and you can find yourself surrounded by the very thing you fostered." It makes sense that the opposite can also be true and that negativity can spread from person to person. So, how do you combat the pull of negativity if you can't find other happy people with whom to share their energy? (I mean, football and basketball season will be over soon.) You have to learn to cultivate optimism yourself. Stanford researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky identifies cultivating optimism as one of the How of Happiness. It's not just a matter of deciding to look on the bright side or noticing what's right or feeling good about the future (although all of this helps), it's about "the habit of striving to make out the positive side of your situation." Positivity is about training your brain to look at the upside. Optimism has a future component that encourages the anticipation of a bright future. What are some easy ways to work on cultivating optimism and positivity? Smile. Give praise. Wish others happiness. Can be done silently. Anticipate a bright future. Envision it and expect it. Celebrate and appreciate the little things and small pleasures. Find ways to cope with negativity when it appears. Apply conscious and consistent focus. Practice! You've probably heard me talk about the research that says that 40% of your happiness is up to YOU (Lyubomirsky). It's determined by your actions and your behaviors. What actions can you take today to increase your optimism and positivity? (You know that if you want help in figuring out the practices and habits that will enrich your happiness, I'm here for you.) Here's to more championship celebrations and happy days in our future!
New year. New you?
January 2023
Did you start this new year with resolutions or changes that you want to make in 2023? Thirty-one days have passed. How are you doing with your progress? I am a goal-setter, planner, self-improvement junkie, and training devotee. For years, I would use the fresh new year to set goals for myself. I would get off to a good start, but like 80% of people, I would stall or stop completely. I tried lots of different approaches - the One Word for the year, SMART goals, stop/start plans, etc. I made vision boards and clever graphics to illustrate my goals. I read lots of books on habit formation including my favorites: Atomic Habits by James Clear and Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin. Nothing really stuck. And then... I stopped trying to fix myself and decided to look at things differently. What did I really want to accomplish? What was important to me? How could I use my skills to support my challenge areas? What sort of support did I need? (All of these are questions that can be explored with a coach! This can be the hardest work.) I determined that it's important to me to be intentional. I want to be aware and involved with my life. I'm good at planning, being a leader and a team player so I needed to recruit a partner who would let me express my passion for putting together ideas (making lists!!) and who would hold me accountable for actually getting things done. Instead of focusing on a few important tasks, I wanted a broad list where I could have a mix of easy/hard, long term/short term, home/financial/travel/relationship/personal development tasks. Crossing things off a list is so important to me and my need for progress and victories. The 50x50 list was born. Every year since 2017, my husband and I make a list of 50+ things that we want to accomplish together before our 50+ birthdays in August. Over the years, we have extended the deadline until the end of the calendar year. This year, we created our 56x56 list to include 56 joint activities for our 56th birthday year. We have fun brainstorming and dreaming up the tasks. It helps us assess our priorities and share a vision. We have tweaked the system over the years. We know that we like to use the big list for an umbrella document for the year, but we get more done when we focus each month on just a few items. So, each month, we pick one personal development item, one household project, and one fun task to accomplish. Plus we mark progress on our 500 mile walking together goal and our monthly happy hour goal. Each month is manageable and focused while still including fun and important tasks. The 56x56 list works for us. It fits our priorities (we agree together on the entries and then move them around to address them on a timely basis), our skills (I love planning and he is great at executing), my need for accountability (lots of big ideas and no follow-through unless I feel like I'm helping others). What works for you? What have you tried? What interest do you have in setting goals? Do you need support in answering the question about what's important to you? I think you are great just like you are, but if you're interested in making a change, I'm here to help you create the life you want! PS If you want to see our 56x56 list, just send me an email. I'm happy to share. Maybe you will find an activity that you want to do with us. We have already completed 6 items on the list - visit Lisa's parents (Arizona!), see a movie (Elvis), take a class (Missouri Department of Conservation backyard habitats), make "freshen up" updates to kitchen and main floor (new kitchen counters, throw rugs, light fixture), try 2 new BBQ restaurants (Johnnys and Smokehouse), and visit a museum (Copper Museum in Clarkdale, AZ). We enjoyed a happy hour with good friends yesterday and have logged 47.25 miles toward the 500 mile goal. 2023 is off to a good start for us.
Happy Holidays!
December 2022
May this season highlight all the joys in your life. See you in 2023!
Happy Thanksgiving! What are you grateful for and how do you give thanks?
November 2022
Happy Thanksgiving! What are you grateful for and how do you give thanks? I love the emphasis on giving thanks at this time of year. What are you grateful for? Gratitude, being in a state of being grateful and expressing thanks or appreciation, can have powerful benefits in terms of improved health, relationships, mental health, immune system, sleep, resilience and more! Research shows it's the single most powerful method of increasing happiness. ( 31 Benefits of Gratitude: The Ultimate Science-Backed Guide (happierhuman.com) How do feelings of gratitude affect you? How do you express your gratitude? Journal - record your observations Meditate - cultivate an optimistic outlook Pay attention - to the big things and the little things. Tell someone - share a compliment, a moment, a reflection Do something - take action and volunteer Pray - evoke a sense of awe and appreciation (A note of caution. Being grateful and having a gratitude practice should not invalidate your experiences. Don't start with "At least..." There is room to acknowledge the good and the bad. As Reverend Connie Habash says, "Gratitude shouldn't be practiced in a way that compares us with others. It's not about who has it worse or better. It's about finding what is available to us, here and now, that we can appreciate".) The Nickel family puts our gratitude in action with our annual Thanks/Giving Sort. Before Marie Kondo popularized her methods, we would take time to look through our belongings to give THANKS and appreciation for the service they provided and then we would GIVE them away to bless someone else. Is this basically a fancy way of doing a donation purge? Yes. Enacting this around Thanksgiving time is key because it helps us to be in a grateful mindset and allows us to appreciate all that we already have. The timing helps us recognize our abundance and encourages our charitable giving. In practical terms, the donation sort in November clears space and identifies needs that may be met with future gifting. What are you thankful for? I am giving thanks for YOU! Thank you for your support of my coaching journey!
Boo! What SCARES you...that you want to try anyway?
October 2022
Halloween is right around the corner and our community is decorated with all the scary things – skeletons, black cats, ghosts. When we think of scary things, we may think of these seasonal staples or snakes or heights or public speaking. But then there are the really scary things that can keep us from moving forward in our lives. Fear of conflict, transition, decision-making, failure, change, difficult conversations, judgement. Fear is a bully that we try to avoid, but did you know that fear also serves a positive role? It signals that something is important to us or consequential in our lives. Fear can even make us happier. As Yale University professor Dr Laurie Santos identifies in her podcast episode The Happiness Lab: The Fun of Eating a Pepper Hotter Than the Sun (Oct 9, 2022), there are 4 ways that fear can make us happier: o Biological - The response to fear releases endorphins that make us feel good quickly. o Mindfulness - Fear and pain demand our full attention which helps our minds be centered and focused. Distractions disappear. o Pleasing Contrast Effect – The contrast between our normal state and a painful state makes our norm feel better. o Proud – When we push through pain, we feel accomplished and we believe that we will be able to “approach difficult tasks as challenges rather than threats”. (Albert Bandura) How do you go about overcoming fear? Identify the specific fear. Name it. Figure out what you want. Understand the fear and the impact it has on you. Ask yourself, “What is the lesson here? What makes this important to me?”. Manage the fear by taking small steps, using stories to stay safe physically while creating a scary mental state, scale back if needed, reward yourself for action taken, use humor to imagine the worst-case outcome, practice selfcare, and get support from a coach. What SCARES you…that you want to try anyway? I am here to help! Working with a coach will help you identify and understand those things that scare you. As a coach, I will provide support, clarity, motivation and accountability. I will ask questions to get to the root so you can more quickly and effectively make lasting change and create the life you want. Contact me at LisaNickelCoaching@gmail.com or go to my website www.LisaNickelCoaching.com to learn more about one-on-one coaching packages. Don’t let your fear paralyze you. The scariest paths often lead you to the most exciting places. Lori Deschene, tinybudda.com Lisa Nickel Coaching Create the Life You Want! 816-456-5357 www.LisaNickelCoaching.com Stay tuned! Happy on Purpose during the Holidays! The most wonderful time of the year or the most stressful time of the year? For many women, the physical and mental load during the holidays can be overwhelming. What if you could explore your priorities and expectations about the holiday season and find ways to add joy and eliminate drains? Join me and others for an online group coaching session to prepare yourself to be Happy on Purpose during the Holidays! More details to come!
Back to School!
September 2022
For the first time in 23 years, I did not send a kid off to school, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking about two of my favorite back-to-school lessons. Learn Something New: New information, skills, and experiences came at us quickly when we were in school. In our adult life, it can be easy to settle into the comfortable and safe. How can you adopt that school mentality to challenge yourself to learn something new? Identify one skill that you want to learn. Find classes and groups for instruction and support. If nothing else, YouTube will certainly have a video to teach you. I’m going to learn to play pickleball. PE was never my best subject, so we’ll see how it goes. What skill are you going to learn? Make New Friends: It’s harder to meet and make new friends as adults and yet social relationships are essential to our happiness. Loneliness affects one in five Americans and is a serious medical issue with repercussions on our minds and bodies. The average American has not made a new friend in the last 5 years despite half the people reporting that they would like to. In her podcast (9.6.2022), The Happiness Lab, Dr. Laurie Santos talks with friendship expert, Marisa Franco, and US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, and makes a case for the importance of keeping and expanding our social circle. The trick? Don’t count on friendships happening organically. They need initiative and intentionality. Remember that people like us more than we think they do and are just as anxious about meeting someone new. As I would say to my kids every school year, go out and make some new friends. It’s up to you. Continuing Education: What action will you take based on these back-to-school lessons? What skill will you learn? What will you do to make a new friend? You don’t need to be in school to continue learning and growing, but sometimes it can be helpful to have a coach by your side. How can I support you?
Happy Birthday to Me!
August 2022
Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Check-In: Milestone dates like birthdays, anniversaries, start of a new year or month, start of school, and change of seasons are just some of the prompts I use to stop and take stock. (Check out author Gretchen Rubin's Calendar of Catalysts for more dates and possibilities.) During birthday month, I like to ask: Am I on track? Do I like the direction things are going? What changes are needed or wanted? What can I celebrate? How have I grown? What do I still need to learn? I look backwards for lessons and forwards for opportunities. My Happy List: I also like to spend the month intentionally celebrating my favorite things and surrounding myself with the things and activities that make me happy. I review my Happy List and add more items each year. As a birthday gift to myself, I will be spending some time listening to Motown, reading, presenting/public speaking (yes, that really is on my Happy List!!), taking a road trip, organizing, making lists, and feeling the sun on my skin. I'm sure there will be a bouquet of flowers, a fresh smelling candle, and peanut butter! Happy in Action: You are invited to use my birthday as your prompt to celebrate your life and your happiness. Identify 5-10 things that make you happy and schedule them into your month's plans. Once you give yourself permission, time and a plan to add happiness on purpose, you'll see the difference it makes in your life. How can I support you in your happiness journey?